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Normal's Overated.
sokmuiam a cynical person who hates orientation and the ridiculous rah rah atmosphere. shares a love-hate relationship with ku-ster and the piano. god should populate the earth instaneously with adults, thus skipping the absurd toddlers and squealingn babies fan of korean shows and the rude ah jun mas, secretly think bae yong jun is not bad looking. listening to classical music on the train is a waste of my battery. Dislikes babbling women who are not efficient.adores House. Thinks that friends are sometimes a burden Adores Xinyun immensely. Life is too short to bother socializing with people I dun like. You either choose the pill and live your life barely feeling your toes, or ignore the pill and accept pain as part of the life. Secretly clings. Sometimes. |
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random quirks
my student made a guess regarding my age and said i was fifteenmr ku insulted me by saying i look like david carrdine whoever dares to say there is a certain resemblance better be prepared for my wrath. plugged tagboard
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MG=D erm hope you like your birthday present..shld be PART of your birthday present..but if you dun like it you can always exchange it..oh and must thank gary if not you'll never get the present today he rocks =D dun worry i'm not falling in love with him i just find it amazing that he can walk into those girly shops without wincing over the phone and screaming at me "how can i walk into this shop?" i think the shop keeper must think he's buying it for his girl.... anyyyway i'm dead supposed to do a lot of stuff today lah in the end didn't accomplish anything except ranting mr ku to my piano teacher..and reading finish FIRSTi magazine..and doing up mg's powerpointdedication slide ..which to sum it up, accounts to nth academically HAIYA anything lah erm, i'm supposed to do this PW thing and send it to all my members..guess i'm pretty dead should i do it now?? ok ok blog fast yesterday went to VJ's drama night melissa COINSPIRED WITH XINYUN that traitor cos for some reasons she lovesss make up and i said i'll only let her doodle on my face if xinyun does it too den when i bathe finish, she said "xinyun done le, your turn" den i was like.."HUH AH, okay lor" ..but in the end..THAT IDIOT XINYUN NEVER EVEN PUT MAKE UP LAH, THEY CONSPIRED LOH and since we were running late i didn't notice that xinyun didn't have any make up on BRR all that minutes of suffering........... i'm gonna kill xinyun some day but drama night was GOOOOOD haiyo why you guys never go? it's seriously good lah! the actors were good, the plots were hilarious but deep too and it simply rocks for ten bucks and it's one of those moments when i'm glad i'm in VJ =D ok gtg..do that PW den meet gary and pris.. well..i shld sleep soon even though i reached home around 9+...i'm still awake cos i can't help but lament the horrible coaching today to junru no, not lament, wrong term, COMPLAIN massive COMPLAIN and tml got drama night and melissa wants us to bring our home clothes -.-" meaning i haven't even pack my stuff, i haven't even brush my teeth..ah went out with naomi to have dinner today, sorry ah, made you wait so long..but i treated you le lah -.-" and i apologize recently for making people wait it's seriously irritating i understand so feel free to get angry at me but dun stay angry -.-" (sorry sorry mg!!) oh she said i'm insincere..erm, i'll amend my statement? you are short and cute? erm ohhh and i'm soo sorry me and pris the two sinners..realize we really really tried to make time out to shop for your present together but.............. she has chess club alpha astronomy i have coaching coaching coaching drama night .....so naomi was given the responsibility to buy stuff for you..and i'm off this sat morn to buy your other present =D fortive us! OHH today's piano coaching seriously he asked me the most ridiculous question i've ever ever heard ... too late now, tell you all later yawn wanna sleep IT'S FRIDAY oh man i still have to face him AGAIN tml okay i really have so many things on my mind that i really really think i should start learning how to meditate and clear the rubbish from my minds school day has been. well it still suck as in the curriculum doesn't suck but once school ends and cca begins it sucks it sucks bad it sucks very bad oh, and i dun even noe where to start to tell you how bad it is let's see it's not even the cca itself it's more the fact that i hate the me in the cca it's so not me i guess it's rude to show people a black face even when i seriously am in a bad mood (or more actually like i hate talking to you guys now and i simply feel unsocial) oh, and i can't believe that they want an exco speech (pur lease we both noe what actually happened) like, what stupid exco speeches first off i hate speeches second off, i hate talking infront of you guys third off, we both noe the speech only serves two purposes 1 to alleviate your hatred of me so that you'll hate me less 2 be totally put off by my attitude problem and hence hate me more (which is more likely to be the case) see, so the speech itself is totally backfiring so we shouldn't have the speech you noe if i ever ever ever get into anyyyy exco or if i have any say over interviews i'll definitely not have the running members give speeches are you mad interviews are bad enough but they are compulsory but speeches? do you have nothing else better to do? do you think THEY have nothing else better to do? wouldn't it be more sensible to have a session or something and observe other people instead of this stupid speech thing ok ok sorry to mg and pris again for my consistent harping on this stupid thing but seriously i hate myself in the cca i hate being nice and smiling at seniors and teachers and coaches even when i really really dun feeli like smiling i hate being nice to people and say "no, i'm not angry at you" when obviously i am not very happy either and even though it's not your fault really, i still feel very angry and if you can find anyone on earth who smiles when they are angry i'll bite anson's head off so basically i hate myself in this cca and in this JC life i'm so much more happier with like simpletons morons like gary whom will gladly entertain me and say fuck and kanina with me you noe i'm actually so much happier when i say all that i dun have so much rage pent up inside me ARGHGH one day i might just be like the korean guy Cho something over at virgina tech and pick up a gun and shoot someone singapore no guns ok, how abt..fire then, quick and efficient nahh i'm not depressed dun call the cops or anything but it's quite likely if given a lawnmower i'll gladly mow down the whole of vj building seriously, i am not the nice person you think i am especially the people in our class, like, they call me "ah mui" -.-" which sounds so amiable and friendly and positively protonic (in mg's terms) but i am really the oppoosite ARGH i miss the term killer and how can i forget my dedication MG I'M EXTREMELY SORRY sorry sorry i'll remember your ice-cream and ah, trying not to incur your wrath, i shan't say anymore in any case i think we all agree jc life basically suck more than secondary school life at least there was mr tan teck poh and protonic theresa lim but now. i have ..mr EUNG, mr KWOK and etc etc bleakkk and i need to brood i'm forever brooding argh, I HATE SPEECHES WHY CAN'T I JUST GET PNEUMONIA AND DIE TML ON THE SPOT OR SOMETHING or better yet, why can't i have a heart attack or something while giving the speech den i can haunt them forever and finally teach them what the hell is to be learners of music like, how can a cca of MUSIC, something so beautiful, be so UGLY (and i hope against all hope that zhongkun sees this last sentence) i'm feeling so damn apologetic to mg that i've decided to dedicate all my entries to her until my guilt subsided I'M SOOOO SOSOOOOOO SOSSSOOO SORRY!!! i really really bu shi gu yi de lah =( i really can't help it!! ahh..and i read ur blog and i felt so bad and so sad and so stupid ahhhhhh i'm so sorry! i dunno what else to say besides i'm so sorry! =( erm, you are beautiful, pretty, sunshine, friendly, kind, wonderful, marvellous, fabulous, magnificent, serenful, patient, joyful, considerate, loyal, best thing in the world..erm, insightful, wise, clever, very clever, genius, very slim, tall, funny, humorous, hilarious.. erm ERM I'M SORRY LAAA sob sob i really felt damn bad lah it's the first time i let my friend wait so long for me -.-" and my ct told me to say sorry to you cos he's the one who told me we ended at 8.30 .sob. SORRRYYYY!!! ..ok, dedication aside, i'm sure you all wanna see something else other than me apologising profusely to mg (sorry!!) ..erm school was ...long ..that's the first word that came to mind provided it's long cos me and junru and vanessa and zhongkun and all those shit had to prac our pieces, and after that zhongkun den talked to us abt so many stuff...and naturally me and junru went back to our brooding mood after that..so we attempted to cheer ourselves up with me goreng pisang her 1.5litres of green tea me and her one icecream each but it didn't really help i hate the cca in the sense that everytime after it, or the prac or any mention of it, we brood and we brood and we brood brood brood oh i forgot mg dun feel retarded for forgiving me so quickly you are not retarded you are BEAUTIFUL, CUTE, KAWAII VERY VERY VERY NICE (sorry!!) ok, so anddd i almost cried in school again cos.. had an appt today de ..mother argued with me over the phone that i was seeking trouble, that i had nth better to do that i'm wasting her hard earned money and that i was insensible cum crazy cum paranoid .. you get the idea so i wasn't feeling very nice today either not to mention the cca.. and that i had pangseh mg..and felt horribly bad abt it and that i haven't talked to the andersonians in the m orning for a long long time seriously, let's just face it i'm becoming zi bi and i noe naomi reads my blog (right?) so i might as well list it out i dun hate you guys, i dun dis like you guys but it's just that first i dun like to talk abt homework in the morning, i prefer seriously stoning, eating breakfast, talking abt shows or films or magazsines or even bands, but not homework but i think you all also noticed recently that you guys have been talking about nth about homework and i can't blame you guys, so i kept quiet second, you noe, i really find it damn sad when i talk to you guys about something which i really wanna share no one listens you all just listen for one moment and then you turn away to talk abt SPA but again, i can't blame you guys, so i just..like, give up over time third i have so much troubles that i dunno where to start i can't talk to naomi about it cos there are so many people around and even if there aren;t i dunno where to start you noe i cried and no one in the table saw anything ..it's the only time i felt so pathetic ..and like, you guys just changed..or maybe i'm the one that's refusing to change but as i said, i dun feel like it's anyone's fault maybe i haven't been trying enouhg oso i will but the thing is, i really hate the feeling of seeing each other everyday but not being able to talk about anything common it's just damn sad ..so yep i guess this makes it an important entry sometimes i think i'm courting trouble for myself i have so many things in my mind ..you noe noe day i should meditate we went to this asian civilisation museum for WADE DAVIS talk yesterday, he's an explorer in residence at National Geographic and he recently flilmed this dcoumentary whereby he went to literally edges of the world where there are unique cultures and traditions and all it's really quite interesting and he came to our school today as guest lecturer and even though the stuff he says are actually too chim for A level students, and not totally relevant to geography either it's the kind of time i felt that i'm realily being educated he's sooo cool really oh and after that we went for the reception, and asked him some questions and the whole thing just felt RIGHT you one, like this is how school life is supposed to be going out to meet people, talk to new people, trying out new stuff it is how it is supposed to be ..talk more abt it later, seriously need to research on the damn PW ..and it's nine plus i realily wanna sleep really ..and now my whole family is like..ostracising me? just cos i'm seeking a solution to a problem? what am i supposed to do? ill treat myself by living in denial? sorry, i'm not such a person i promised not to be weak again i guessed that's why i'm so..head strong as manying said ..cos there had been times when i was almost weak, and it had sucked like shit end off with SORRY MG!! SORRY SORRY I LOVE YOU PLS DUN HATE ME I REALLY REALY LOVE YOU -.-" I'M SOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY MG REALLY REALLY SO SO SO SO SORRY!!! I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW THAT THE BLOODY TALK WILL END SO LATE AT 10! THE BLOODY CT TOLD ME IT'LL END AT 8.30! AND I REALLY REALLY DID WANNA GO OUT OUTTA THE HALL TO CALL YOU BUT I REALIZE I COULDN'T COS I WAS SITTING IN THE MIDDLE ROW AND IN THE MIDDLE COLUMN WHICH MAKES ME SUPER STUCK AND TEH VENUE WAS SUPER SMALL THAT ANY ANT GOING OUT WILL BE DAMN RUDE AND THERE'S NO BLOODY RECEPTION IN THE BLOODY HALL SO I CAN'T EVEN SMS YOU!! I'M SOOO SOO SOO SOOO SORRY PLS DUN BE ANGRY?? PLS PLS PLS? KAN ZAI IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY SOON AND I'LL GET YOU A MARVELLOUS QUESTION AND THAT I SPENT THE TIME FROM 8.30 TO 10PM ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT COS I NOE YOU ARE STILL WAITING AND THAT I'M SORRY ENOUGH TO TYPE THIS APOLOGY LETTER AT NEARLY MIDNIGHT (when i desperately need sleep badly) WOULD YOU PLS PLS PLSSSSSS FORGIVE ME??? I SWEAR TO GOD I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO STAND YOU UP! I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY! REALLY!! REALLY REALLY REALLY !!! PLS DUN BE MAD! I WAS SO SCARED THAT YOU'LL BE MAD! YOU NOE I'LL DEFINITELY NOT STAND YOU UP IF I CAN HELP IT I'M SOOO SORRY! AND WHY DIDN'T YOU GO HOME YOU CUTE IDIOT???!! I WAS SO SCARED YOU WOULD REALLY WAIT THERE FOR AN HR AND A HALF! I'M SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO TIMES MILLION TIMES SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME???? a pile of my bro's notes lay before me INTERMODAL TRANSPORTATION OPERATIONS ..why the hell would he be interested in studying these??? but well not the point the point is i slept at five am yesterday due to guard duty and i managed to finish my.. well, not a lot but at least i finished some work and..i realize my literature essay is totally irrelevant to the poem ah who cares, there are always times when geniuses falter (wow) ..okay, den i woke up at 9.30 to realize i have a 10am tennis date with px we attempted to play tennis note the word attempted cos we seriously suck big time at it but it was fun all the same cos in case you dun realize, you sorta sweat big time while running after balls all the time ok, so i realize how can i possibly get well when i dun rest?? i have tons of homework, heading off to cybil's in a while to study and finish it ..oh man, i'm seriously screwed in the sense that physically, i'm totally screwed dun really feel very wel ..... argh oh and mg, your present hor so sad lah, pris is too busy to go with me SO SAD so i have to go alone or something..sob sob man..i'm having a flu .......eeks ahh..better go life sucks life's tiring life's sad life's very busy life's very very tiring and life with problematic hair (when it's half dry and half wet) sucks even more well thi is the reason why i bought extra notebooks just in case have a long night ahead as in, i'm on guard duty so..it's time to take out one of the ntoebooks to write diaries and i can use the time to finish my literature..my application question..and what nots (as mr najib says) and i think i might grow up to have severe heart problems cos for some reasons, i'm having chest pains now not really pains..but like..very men1 and i'm feeling feverish so in a bad mood and i can't seem to really make myself do anything and my mother just wants me to sleep earlier cos i'm falling sick but i insist that i know what i'm doing as in, no point getting to sleep earlier cos i haven done anything constructive you noe i should feel happy since i got that bag i wanted mg, i bought the bag at queensway but i feel horrible for some reason .. it's one of those times when you feel like you are some character in some horribly bleak shows like, you do nth but mope around .. and i find myself stuck in this viscious cycle monday- prac with marc, not bad tues and wed- prac with someone, not too bad, but mood deteriorates as sleep meter goes down thurs- coaching, mood rapidly plunges fri-further coaching, mood grows mouldy sat- weekend, finally a break, not enough sleep so not very happy sun- mood grows better cos it's weekend, but the next day is monday ..basically, i never geta break at all as in, i dun feel very rested and i found myself stuck in this rapid cycle and wherever i look around me i see people who looked tired ..but somehow, i think i looked even more tired ..you know, i never wanna live till eighty plus it's too long a life so people, kill me when i reach sixty too many things to say ..it's the time when i feel like spinning off a story not even watching xiao zhu in the channel u show can make me a tad happier.. sian okay well today was an INTERESTING day to put the least.. erm let's put it simply piano ensemble the cca? it's simply POLITICS well my teacher in charge HATES me apparently =D it simply amuses me very much for some reason to know that some teacher in the school loathes me come to think of it, i've never had that kinda experience before quite accomplished feeling really and i realy couldn't care less whether she hates me or not cos i think , i THINK the reason why she hates me so is cos i was too attitude towards her (actually not her but the whole exco) during the interview and she doesn't like people who challenges authority ANDD i THINK my piano coach, MR KU (pls rmb this name cos i find it hard to type piano coach everytime -.-") doesn't like me or else i'm thinking too much but the thing is, i dun really like his teaching tactics anyway cos..he likes to use sacarsm and people, even though i love to use sacarsm with friends and all, i really dun do it when i am teaching anyone younger than me it sometimes is worse than straight out scoldings and since he uses sacarsm i used it back and you noe, his face is always so.. his expression, like you can't tell what he's thinking and he kept having the uplifted eyebrow look and even when he doesn't mean anything, you sense as if he meant something underneath all that words and let's just put it simply that i have first hand experience that he can be very nice to you in person, but behind you, he can really put you down and even though overall he's not a bad person ...i still dun particularly..erm, lean towards him ok you see ah, today i was feeling sick so i went to tell my music director that i was sick and whether i can skip coaching which was two hrs later to go home earlier den i took the bus to eunos mrt and on the bus, i kept having the feeling that i should go back it's really the first time that i have a feeling and i dunno why it's just , i think it's my responsibility to go back so i did actually there are a number of factors affecting it, but i followed my heart and went back it's that simple and for your information i really didn't fake any illness when i went in, mr ku and my md was surprised to see me and when they asked me why i came back, i didn't noe what to say, so i said "i felt bad' on hindsight, it's a bad thing to say, cos the look mr ku gave me was.. as if to hint that i had faked illness in the first place, i felt bad, so i came back and he said he ratherhear me next week when i'm better ..so junru and i went out, to sit at the sofa there and debate over the eternal debate or whether he's a nice or lousy person (nah, we were trying to decipher what he was thinking) nooo, cos we both know he had misintepretated what i meant well ok, so mr ku came out he went toilet he came back, and we agreed that we should clarify things so i said HI he gave an enigmatic (check the dictionary, it's an impt word) smile and said hi and i said "do you wanna talk?" ..he said no with a smile i tried you noe, i said "you kknow, i was REALLY sick" and den i realize it's really quite intimidating talking to him, even though i try very hard not to deny it.shit and he said "okkkk, so hop on a cab, go home!" and i was like thinking "you really dun get it" so i said "...it's very hard to communicate with you you noe," and i gave up ..i tried according to junru i shldn't have said " you wanna talk?" somemore, i looked quite hostile according to her ..and i think mr ku got a fright of his entire life cos i dun think anyone in near times ever talked to him like this and i realize that i changed more than i admitted seriously and i think most of it is mg's fault the fact that we both dun really show respect for authorities -.-" serious, i find that i get more informal and more informal with my teachers and seniors these days and whenever i see something that is wrong, i can't keep quiet and ren in weilun's vocab, it's called me being over-righteous -.-" and he gave me this advice "dun ever front stab people, always back stab" ..what wise words .. that was sacarsm in case you didn't catch it it's a long post i noe but i need to work something out ..really, i can't stand seeing wrong things and just keeping quiet ..and now, i really am the "high profile attitude girl" in the stupid cca la somemore junru is MD leh and the most unlucky thing is, she has me for her friend .. meaning that she has to do a tough balancing trick to make sure i dun ever quarrel with either the teacher in charge or mrku really really really i oso dun wan it to be like this but i seriously can't make myself be meek to him when i noe how he suanned my friend and i can't make myself be nice to her when i noe how much trouble the teacher caused the whole cca in fact, if it's ever a stand off between mr ku and teacher, i'll definitely fight for mr ku .. not to mention i have a rather dense (but very nice) MD who doesn't know how to be more sensitive and help us along .. you noe what, i might ask him to come this blog and read this entry just to let him know how i feel and all yep, that's a good way cos everytime he asks me, i tried to say but it either turns out wrong or he doesn't get it (because he's so dense) but honestly now i dunno how i feel ok, here's a good analogy of mr ku and my relationship he's like AN IRRITATING ELDER BROTHER THAT I HATE TO TALK TO BUT I CAN'T REALLY HATE ..see and i couldn't care less about mrs soh not to mention the exco thing the only thing i can say about you guys not putting me in exco is this if you ever need anyone to go up against mrs soh..there wun be anyone (besides zhongkun who will come down soon) if i'm in exco, i'll definitely quarrel with her or something so yep .. my god, it's a long entry isn't it for those who have reached here congrats and thanks for listening =) oh man people i have great news to report i lost........... drum rolls* wanna guess what? ezlink? nope hp? nope wallet? nope atm card? nope ........ it'ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss MY PENCIL CASE -.-" the one that mg and pris gave to me even though i really dun find it very attractive (oops) but it also dun have to do this to me mahhh it ran off on me -.-" sob sob sob lemme tell you i have NO idea where it is serious! you noe vj cross country was first overall champion so mr chan gave us half day off (the hall was chanting full day clap clap, full day clap clap) but in the end he said only half day-.-" better than nth but the thing was, i have cca which means i'll still get to reach home at five plus cos i have to wait for my cca wow! hurray! ok see so i have only geog tutorial after which i had math lecture and during the lecture i was absolutely certain that i had the pencil case den after lecture i went off to the canteen to loiter den i stayed in the piano room until three le so it's not in the lecture hall it's not in the canteen nor in the locker (i checked to make surei didn't chunk it in there by mistake..but actually i didn't check properly) so see the conclusion is my pencil case has walked outta me =( wa lan leh inside all very ex stuff la pens very ex you noe liquid paper is new the lead case is also new WAHHHHH somemore my dear stapler! you noe othat stapler was my first!!! i had it when i was in primary two you noe!! sobbbb ahh very sleepy now and actually hor, have a lot of issues i wanna talk abt here esp abt a certain piano coach who.. i see very buay song maybe it's just our eight characters dun match or something but i really see him buay song he said the way i see music was rigid i still haven see him the way he suan people very no standard =/ but the point is, i miss my piano teacher mr chin!!! he's such a gooooood teacher compared to this one lah!as in, this one is good as in qualified but i hate the one he communicates with us xinyun just called to flaunt that she's watching phantom tonight somemore it's FREE TICKETS THAT IDIOT and it's given by bank de so probably get very good seats too lah that idiot! her mom walks in heeren you noe so got all the discounts that idiot triple idiot and she gloated and smirked when she said she'll sponsor me highlighter since i cannot find my pencil case wa lao, den damn benjamin lah, like all the stuff in my pencil case sponsored or charitised de WAHHHHH i realize i have ALOT of stuff to do and i've sorta given up on my last page of my score it's simply......too many chords for me to "get it" guess i'll just my best i think i'm a bit too agressive regarding ccas -.-" can't blame me right, look at what happened when we were meek and tame and didn't tell the principal that the cca sucks to the core oh i realized that day on the mrt before i fell asleep that the fact that you can meet a person and become friends is really.....quite amazing see ah, on the first day of sec one if i hadn't sat next to sheryl, where mg and felicia were behind us i wouldn't have ever met mg if me and pris hadn't been around the same height, we wouldnt ever sit together if i had been smarter and gone to double science instead of triple science i would never had known ruth the way i did and recently in jc the same kinda things happened it's as if someone up there is trying to tell me there's a grand design somewhere (so..christian) but it's true my piano ensemble good friend junru we met when we were assigned the same score, budden they realize they had made a mistake and we were seperated again but we remained good friends cos i helped her with the piano ensemble booth den i gave my score to her correct partner, vanessa and i met vanessa, who's an andersonian IP student and we also became friends don't you think it's just simply amazing and dun you feel that there's something..i dunno..erm intriguing about how we choose to "clique" with who as in, why would someone see your group and decided to try to attempt to join it and i would never have had known kenneth if he hadn't been so gay -.-" so i truly believe there's something pre-designed up there it maybe god or may not be god, i dun really care it's just that i believe, somethings are predestinied, really and all we can do is to recognize it and try to understand it ..that's why i dun care to force myself to ..you noe please everyone at piano ensemble if it's doomed to fail like vball den it's doomed to fail it's sorta, predestinied =D so everybody, take things easily erm..ok..what should i do now .. i have to read geography readings.. i have to start read newspapers and time (naomi gave it to me but i haven't really flipped it -.-" except looked at the cute penguin on the cover which strangely looks like her) ..erm..what else. oh shit tml got literature, gotta look through one of the poem ..erm.. oh yah!! so freaking sian today lah i was super tired cos slept at midnight plus yesterday to finish PI and help xinyun with it too den strangely in sch today didn't feel tired, until dismissal i totally blanked out on the train almost slept past the stop again den when i reached home, i headed straight for bed but i got put alarm cos i wasnted to wake up earlier so that i can go esplanade watch junru perform BUT I OVERSLEPT UNTIL SIX LAHHH what the shit but sleeping really do wonders =D aza aza!!! it's just a damn jc it's just a damn cca so what if my testimonial doesn't look nice at leasti have fun durig my two years by ka-jiaoing yiling ohh you noe it's damn fun to ka-jiao xinyun i love to criticise her choice of food whenever she buys cai fan seriously lah, one day i'll intro her to mg, cos i noe mg will love her she always have this very wei qu look (ok lah, only with me) today she ordered green beans, very tofu-looking fish and tofu den she sat down and i immediately said "eh, why you eat weird food again) den she gave me that very wei qu face that she was being bullied by me den i began laughing and saying "serious lah, why you always eat weird looking food!" den yiling began to defend her and say "where got weird! okay what!" xinyun continued giving me the very weiqu face and made very effortless defense -.-" supppper funny before i say anything I FREAKING CRIED AGAIN LAH and i know you guys will totally sniggle at the reason i was having exco interview lah, den i was attitude-ing them cos i wasn't in very good mood these days and i simply couldn't be bothered den when they asked about my previous cca which is the SUCKY volleyball i started tearing =.=" DAMN DISGUSTING CAN walao can't stand myself i think cos never cry completely these days it's like, cry...den someone said something, so stopped cry..stopped cry..stopped den like never cry enough, the next time anyone mentions the thing you'll immediately cry it's like that so irritating lah so totally spoil my image now they're gonna think i'm the one who got molested by my first coach or something eee i hate being a weakling infront of others though i think there's nth wrong with crying but the frequency at which i'm doing it these days..i think got some prob lah ARGHGH sob erm anyway mg's blog entry made me rmb what i wanted to say yesterday i went back to collect my o level cert and i was like..is that all? when i saw my cert, i was like, that's all? it's just a laminated piece of papers, with nine columns of grades and i was thinking "for four years of sloughing, that's all?" felt like there should be more how about all the tears, the joy, the stress doesn't show on the damn piece of paper and some students looked at me when i was walking around the sch think they know i was in vj and mg was right, to them it meant something to be in the top five jcs though we all know it's not like that at all and i feel so tired suddenly i just wanna finish my A levels and get my degree and finally find a job that i like and wouldn't mind doing it forever i realize i can't do a job that i can't control as in, i can't work under someone that i dun approve ..so i'll probably be like a job-hopper =D so fun right cos i can't do something against my will or taste PI .. shit must chiong i just remembered the urgent homework that i was supposed to rmb to do ..my PI which is due on wed and since i'm gonna reach home super late on tue......... i'm quite dead anyway, i can't believe my cousin changed so much when my ah ma fell down the last time, he cared so much and wanted to send her to the most expensive hospital apparently, he got brain washed by his mother ..the evil witch anyway i can't stand my stupid phone and that stupid V48 classroom is cursed every noon you noe that is the only only place i ever dropped my phone and i dropped it like four times already, the same econs lesson every damn monday and as usual my sim card went crazy den now i can't upload songs into the phone AGAIN wa lao, damn irritating can DAMN IRRITATING i go crazy without songs de .. feeling much better the mood at home is much better things are sorta settled. erm, summary of the plans majority of the period, ah ma will be staying at my house my mother finally got it to put it plainly and crudely, how much more years can she live and to be honest, dun need to be so calculative people all get old one day yah, she finally get it so i'm gonna move my piano out and try to adapt my studying habits (again) -.-" and i'm something like a wandering fugitive now..like weekdays staying at bro's room, study there, play there, basically shit there too so his room is like a tornado hit area now.. i think he finds it very disgusting (he likes to be neat) but he also know i no choice how do you find space to put the dozens of reading materials you have to read for JC erm yah, den my desk oso like tornado so much stuff -.-" oh yesterday met with px and bought a jackeT! i finally found one that i like and my mother will like and it's cheap too!! =D it's like milk and brown strips and it's only 26..i feel soooooo ultra brilliant cos i picked up something cheap and nice oh den after that px had to go see doc cos her stomach wind like for one wk liao (she still go and eat ice cream and treat me too...see, becoming fat cos all my friends like to treat me ice cream...some conspiracy is it you all) i've been like eating ice cream for one whole week lah my god prissss i desperately need exercise, pls pls pls ask me out to exercise to mg too, pls pls ask me out for badminton i promise i'll go -.-" ohh..yah where was i, so yah after px went off i met gary at mac my house there and we sorta ate supper even though i was super full, and he was full too he treated me fries and milo =D so nice right, getting nicer haha and we just chat until nearly midnight loh his main two problems was 1. his ex had ditched him for a guy who looked like a pig, according to him (he said he's been waiting for me to go online so that he can show me his picture..apparently i will get a heart attack) 2. his current dating target is apparently, getting sian..no lah, he says he yue kan her yue sian -.-" even though she's a nice girl soooo of course i scolded him as much as i could since i'm so fed up with ugly humans ..there's some in my house as we speak but i can't say too much.. bleahh but at least my mood is sorta better =) ohhh did i tell you guys i'm never ever going to rebond again no lah, not in the short term cos..you know i rebonded twice in one wk and before you exclaimed that my hair will get fried, cooked, damaged strike by lightning lemme tell you that not only did my hair stayed fine, it stubbornly refused to stay straight so my hairdresser said, haiyo, next time i'll use the ultra strong de..you hair super stubborn ..see, even my hair is "strong" like me =D ..now the ugly humans are having ugly quarrels..shall go and bathe soon .. ermmm so yep, gary was super happy that my hair isn't straight he happily exclaimed "eh! your hair back to normal le ah" .. what a nice friend no lah, quite thankful that i have such gd friends =D i love you guys all!! (including pris mg and etc etc) oh and even chunkit (i finally rmbed his name) smsed me to cheer me up =D thank you! my mood just plunged was feeling quite happy cos it seems like everything is gonna be settled soon apparently not so ..i told you guys abt the rotationary thing right now they two families backed out ..yep they backed out i oso dunno what they are thinking they seem nice enough..like they come over to take care of ahma and all but now they back out and now the plan is my ahma might stay permanently at our house and you know what my mother disallow she refused too i sorta understood why she refused even with a maid, it's not very fang bian, and i would also suffer cos i wun have my room and all and she'll have to ..i dunno face an elderly that she has to respect and serve all day and yah, she serves my ah ma all day it's really obvious and to be fair, my ahma isn't those very ci xiang type she's quite demanding sometimes only ci xiang towards us grandchildren ..i haven't seen my mother so humble..not since my grandma died .. so now she refused den i told her, den you and the others got what difference if you also refuse den my ah ma how? sleep on the streets ah den she said to leave it to my father to settle ..apparently she and my father quarreled cos my father was tired and flare up at her and she flared back saying "dun you dare to raise your voice at me when i've been doing so much" ...... you know i've got enough on my mind without them quarreling another thing my da ge super buay song my er ge cos my er ge always goes out late on friday nights (sat no work) and he drinks sorta so now like the two of them also like..turmoil .. in other words besides some groups of my friends my whole life is a turmoil i can't play my piano i can't do my work properly wheni go home it doesn't feel like my home cos i feel very conscious of my behaviour infront of so many elders (they visit my house everyday..i have this feelingi'm living in a liao yang yuan) and i'm sorta disgusted at how ugly humans can be and if you ever ask me if humans are selfish the answer is a definite yes we're all selfish we're all damn selfish i dun mind ah ma staying here..i'll just have to get used to it and seriously, what else can she do? ..then there's the matter of the PI the freak PI which i'll have to redo cos my CT didn't quite put it so succintly on last wed, which he did on friday that "the subject have to be changed" so i have to redo the whole damn thing and the final is to be handed up on wednesday and i have to finish my whole rondo piece with marc on monday AND i have a stupid coach and a very slow and lag MD to deal with AND i have to work on another piece in case i get suan at by my coach again..mind you, it's not the suaning i ultimately fear, it's the part when i couldn't stand it any more and throw my score at him ..it's all mg influence dun make me fed up seriously if you can't be a proper human being, you can't ever make it as a piano coach seriously tired ..lucky today going out with pris den later px i need some fun but the point is i dun have any time to have fun how to when i'm facing like a family world war ARGGHGH to all who care about me (yes yes i noe you guys exist =D) i'm pretty fine now was feeling quite jia lat this morning as in..i cried you know, just that no one noticed.. so much for more eyes but anyway must thank a few people esp cybil..mg..yiling..xinyun cassandra and melissa haha, if not i wouldn't be at least not that moody in sch ..nth else to say except that i'm super tired now and mg ah, your backbone ok or not tot you had injections le? doesn't work? dun over exert yourself!!! and erm..i'm still..having the same persistent feeling as longly written out last entry ..but..i'm like ignoring it? ..just try like mg said..life goes on erm..oh..and..what did i wanted to say -.-" yah yah..you noe when we grow older, we get more vulnerable ..really leh in the past, your friend dun like u, dun friend u you just say, dun friend dun friend lo when people dun like u you dun like them back but it's not that simple anymore.. sighh eh, i think i changed quite a lot these few years -.-" ..did i? eerr.. oh yah i really really feel like buying that bag at queensway mg, rmb, the one u say the pattern like my style..lan lan de ..what lan lan de, sounds so bad..rugged rugged...sounds more stylish oh yah, i feel like buying it ai lot ..but no money -.-" maybe ask brother..i need retail therapy to feel better =D and..somemore oh yah, i feel like doing community service you noe anyone knows any groups? not for CIP hrs..more like i wanna ..erm, noe more nice people =D aza aza! warning if you dun wanna be affected by my miserabilities dun read on if you are here, den i guess it's either you care enough (so rare these days) or you are as miserable as i am today was actually quite a happy day in terms of advancements, i made some nice contributions in geog, i made good progress in conversing with the rest of my classmates i even managed to finish GP and i tot piano wouldn't be that bad it's not that bad you noe technically if not for the joke he made my piano coach made a joke at the expense of me which hits the nail right on the head infer mg, infer and honestly, i dunno whether he really knows, or he really meant it a joke in all sense, i was upset terribly upset and let's be honest and dissect what i felt shame? fear? trepidation? consciousness? all of it so i stepped outta sch when i was walking, the sky was clear den midway, it started pouring and i couldn't turn back, so i walked on and i was totally drenched/soaked and feeling cold, alone, miserable and an utter sense of pent up feelings yeah, i cried, sorta i didn't cry outloud just..you noe, cried when i reached eunos and changed into dry pe clothes i didn't feel any better I couldn't tell you why she felt that way, She felt it everyday. And I couldn't help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again. What's wrong, what's wrong now? Too many, too many problems. Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. She wants to go home, but nobody's home. It's where she lies, broken inside. With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. Broken inside. Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why. You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind. Be strong, be strong now. Too many, too many problems. Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs. Her feelings she hides. Her dreams she can't find. She's losing her mind. She's fallen behind. She can't find her place. She's losing her faith.She's fallen from grace. She's all over the place. -nobody's home, avril lavigne perfect song to describe my feelings you would say i'm emo but you've never been through what i've been through you wuld neva understand and then i came home i didn't say anything but i just told my mom i need to move the piano out if ah ma is staying permanently i said it in a matter of sort way maybe it's people learning music or art we need..space and i can't prac properly and i feel so bad that i seem to be ostracising my ah ma by moving the piano out..it's like an act of..i dunno, disdain? but i honestly didn't meant it that way but i still felt that way and humans are so ugly it shows, totally in the physical appearances when they have a bad heart how can they refuse to take her in, we have this rotationary thing, like she'll stay at each of my uncle's house and my house and on two of them refused not my uncles it's the WIVES how can women like them get married it's so not fair is it and how can you refused aren't you scared of retribution? you noe how easily friendships fade they just fade into the background silently, without you knowing freak, mg, why did you call (but thank u anyway) there's no warning..it's just this plain,subtle movement something in the air, in the eyes, in the body language you can't see or pinpoint or explain why, but it happens and it's so staring in my face today i'm not blaming you all cos it's a natural thing, i guess but i dun like it all the same how can you not want to meet a friend you were so good with a year ago when she so enthusiastically, sincerely, wants you to go you give some excuse, some inconveniences, rejects with a smile and some doesn't even make the effort, or i can't see the effort, to show that you wanted to go, you miss her, you miss that part of the life, you miss supporting her, you wanna hear her sing and even if the concert is bad you're there because you wanna support her i dun see or feel that and i can't deny i was disappointed isn't it precious when someone asks you out "hey, wanna go out this sat? wanna come my concert, wanna support me, wanna just go shopping, wanna M, wanna mug" it's not the programme, what you are doing that's important, it's the fact that she wants to do something with you she wants to preserve something it's a small thing, but when anson called me and asked for my help in gp, when i sms pris abt something minor i saw, when i purposely annoy mg online, when i sms cybil meaningless thoughts it matters you know but most of us just brush it off and move on move on and forgot to go back and pack up all the things we're supposed to do and carry them with us we forgot, and it's lost it's already lost trying hard not to cry cos my mother already had enough on her hands and maybe at some moments i hate her, for what she didn't do but right now, these few days, it's been hard for all of us that day she blasted at my second bro who in returned blast up at me ask pris, she heard the conversation and for some reasons, i spoke up for him infront of my mom everything is so tightly stretched i thought i wasn't stressed, but apparently i am i have piano coaching for another piece tml and i can't prac cos ah ma is resting i have to finish the other piece by monday, the whole piece but i can't prac and i dun wanna complain, not really what's to complain when at least my mother father brothers want me to stay under this roof the same can't be said for my ah ma the next time, when i forgot, when i ignore you when you ask me out it's because it slipped my mind, the simple rule of effort in a friendship but i won't forget, it simply slipped my mind so i apologize, if i ever seemed cold, distant or if it seems that i dun wanna talk to you but recently i feel so..heavy it seems, or feels as if i've been making all the calls initiating the conversation smsing without any certain replies and i'm tired i'm really tired when no one else seems to be making the effort sometimes i really think, is it truly worth it wouldn't i be better off letting it go but how and i dunno how to face my piano coach how how how With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes. She's all over the place. well..i think 2/6 people will find this very interesting.. it's a conv between me and kok huabin.. btw, for ur information, i can't hear the alerts when u nudge me..you'll see why le tombeau says: eating Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: wu liao Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: u gt bf? Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... just sent you a nudge. Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf le tombeau says: nooo Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf le tombeau says: i tot i told u before le la Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: no le tombeau says: where got people wan me Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm gt bf le tombeau says: i got tell u la Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf le tombeau says: huh Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf le tombeau says: u siao ah Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: wat? Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: y? le tombeau says: i dun have one la Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: wat?? Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: u have a bf? Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: omg Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... just sent you a nudge. Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... just sent you a nudge. Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... just sent you a nudge. Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: sm Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bf Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... just sent you a nudge. Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... just sent you a nudge. Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... just sent you a nudge. le tombeau says: ..sigh le tombeau says: u really damn childish Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: child le tombeau says: i wanna buy a sony ericsson phone......that can play music..but like all can play music..how to see ah Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: child Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: hw ah noe? Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: ah hate sony le tombeau says: err le tombeau says: den u like what Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: nokia le tombeau says: erm le tombeau says: i all ok le tombeau says: u childish Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: thk u Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: at lest ah m happy Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: ne guy lyk u? le tombeau says: ...why u say until i like not happy le tombeau says: nooooooooooooooooooo Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: no Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: u lyk ne? le tombeau says: no lah le tombeau says: all the guys so no character Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: tok cock Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: alamak Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: too bad u nv c me le tombeau says: .. Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: ah gt lotsa it Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: true wat le tombeau says: am i supposed to fall in love with u or what le tombeau says: eat mee* Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: shui bian Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: bt muz q up Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: ur q no is le tombeau says: .. le tombeau says: u are damn disgusting ah Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: walao Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: fr america to africa Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: nw ah m at my1245785524527498353309876r433456567778890th galfren le tombeau says: yah lah yah lah Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: u b my 1243573848607097643267385990689090394763778891th la le tombeau says: very li hai la le tombeau says: crazy..wait for u give flowers oso wait long long le tombeau says: wait until die le den graves got flowers only le tombeau says: you damn disgusting la Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: haiz le tombeau says: i noe i noe, u very CHARMING (vomits) very NICE (vomits) very GENTLEMAN (vomits) Nothing is ever diminished just because it ends... says: minus e vomits le tombeau says: den not true le and then he sends me this photo  and the conv continues
wow but it's nice talking to him again la
at this pt of time i seriously need better entertainment while eating my maggie mee
(now i think i've gone too far) no lah, hope you enjoyed the conv!
judging from the very infrequent entries from mg..i guess she's still busy trying to love NJ haven't been online much these days cos first, my laptop broke down it just suddenly decided not to show me the server kept telling me the internet explorer has to close for some reason the last time i used it was on sunday night when anson the freak called me and sorta yelled into the phone that he's very screwed apparently his teacher gave me three GP questions all of them were on the arts ... ..see, anson, thank me, if i wasn't the only humane person in our clique to take arts, you'll be DEAD you'll flunk the GP essay, at least now you'll only fail it by a few marks yep..so i had to go online cos i find it very funny to talk chim languages over the phone -.-" and anson worshipped me cos evidently, he doesn't know who's monet, or van gogh, or charles dickens erm..life has been.. busy busy busy like so many things on my mind to kenneth the hwa-chongian (so nan ting right) if you are reading this post can you plsssss leave ur blog address behind cos ben xiao jie is too busy to go google your name and find ur darling blog and yep, he hates hwa chong and adores VJ so much so that he masqueraded as one of us changing into VJ pe shirt when he came down to support VJ and not HCI in our football match bleah what else oh yah, my afternoons remain dedicated to piano piano piano can't prac my piano as freely cos ah ma staying in my room and oh yes, tml going for the humanities scholarship interview let's al pray that i dun screw up i almost screwed up today's mock interview ..okay, let's see..who are the guys who read my blog.. erm...anson.. (not really considered a guyyy...but well...) kenneth (..that one is even MORE not a guy.......) ..anyone else? no one? ok good. cos i was having serious M cramps den i didn't have panadol so i was doing the interview..with my bag on my lap crushing my stomach.. den it started feeling worse den suddenly i burst out crying -.-" it was very painful la den the teachers were like *blink blink* den i said "cramps.." den they were like , oh!! i think they thought i cried cos the interview was too scary >.< den the teacher, the geography teacher whom i tot was very very boring but in all cases where the teachers were boring, they actually has a nice personality so she hunted down some panadols for me and gave me water so nice and i started feeling a bit better and we sorta continued damn embarassing la ..erm i still wanna go out with pris and mg some day i miss u guys! and vanessa! kenneth xinyun yiling me and jinning went out that day but it wasn't the same without u!!! i miss you guys~~ aza aza! in all the JCs you might hate/love/simply adore the school song/adore the red tie i give up~~! been searching online and even begging weisiang to get the soundtrack of a walk to remember which i just watched on channel five starring shane west and mandy moore DAMNNNNN NICE my god it's DAMNNN nice can it kept faith to the book which had a very simple plot, a very simple sweet relationship, no extravagrance and such and the movie was faithful right to the end and the actors are not bad too!! (@#$!*(#&$ i'm so happy that i found a movie to be mad abt though..rather lag, cos it was first released at 2002 hey, i was primary six lah, who would noe this kinda thing and it isn't too late lah, it's erm, five years IT'S DAMNNNN NICE!! omg and i realize i'm being rude cos i'm inside the room using my comp ignoring my aunt, my ah ma but i seriously need a break think i'm gonna do econs later..and finish the twenty five pages of wilfred owen mother made me go to sleep yesterday night, nope, morning got a lot of things to say but i can' t rmb what ..erm it's like, i can't connect with people anymore we have different thoughts, different experiences, different wavelengths and..different topics, different humor i feel as if i can't find anyone who can appreciate what i can appreciate anymore oh..and i realize that i'm really not suited for marriage seriously cos i can't stand people invading my space like i dun like to watch shows with people, i like to watch them alone i dun like people to tell me what to do i dun like noises i dunno how to say but i just dun think i'm suited for marriage..might seriously wind up killing my husband or something and shit i still can't find the freaking so undtrack shld make a wish list i think if i have a wish list, i'll never be contented la i want the freaking vcd! time: 3.40am like i said, i'm really staying awake over night my god i'm so afraid my laptop will topple over any minute.cos it's standing on a stool half its size -.-" i had to move a tool over since i need something on which i can write oh yah, i think i forgot to mention i'm sorta camping in the living room next to my room so that i can help my ah ma to the restroom when she needs it it's sorta cool anyway and oh yeah, studying in the night is ultra effective esp when it's all dark and i moved my table lamp to the side so that it shines over my mattress, and when it's ultra quiet that i can hear my songs perfectly when i on it at the least vol in my hp but i didn't listen la cos i realize i got paranoid after five secs kept imagining hearing sounds from my ah ma and i wld turn in a start to realize it's just me and oh my bro just returned..around 3am from fishing at amk i think he's growing to be a bit weird.. just shifted the laptop to my lap since it's a laptop not a desktop and definitely not a stool top it really resembles something of a towering sandwich on that stool.. back to my bro..yeah he returned and began drinking beer (my house is so quiet that i can hear him pulling the tag) and watching infernal affairs two (cos i heard the shi shuai, zai qiao dao wo chuang by cai qin -.-" and yeah i think he's using the comp now on further thoughts, maybe not, he can't be that quiet, it's not in his genes anyway i tot it was rather dense of him to not realize that i wasn't asleep at three in the morn becos i was taking care of ahma he honestly tot i was staying up to read great expectations ..but when he finally realizes it, i tot it's rather nice of him to tell me to call him or my elder bro if anything happens see, i feel so thankful that there's a streak of goodness in him shld have called pris over to mug together it's really super effective except for the fact that i'll get rather paranoid at the end of like two to three hrs cos she usually needs to go bathroom by then and she has this bell thing she can press (it's actually a door bell -.-) and it's horribly jarring in the silence so when i hear the first "ding" i'll dump all my books and throw open her door >.< hey people tell me u read all these posts to make me feel better..that someone is reading the posts i posted at 3.50am erm..i did some analysis or great ex..i did my great ex assignment essay..i finally finally read all the copies of newsweek, it took me like one and a half hrs..and i'm halfway through my 50 odd pages reading material for wilfred owen's poems and the night is still young, yay! so i can prob read finish that and actually do econs or something you noe how it is that all my uncles and aunts seem to care so much for her but underlying it is the fact that no one is willing to take her in i honestly dunno what to think their faces are so earnest and concerned abt her but the fact is a fact, undeniable, that they made a lot of excuses sigh.. the comp works even better at night -.-" shall source for blogskins i'm back sigh cos i realize i have too much things to say you know we are selfish really ..now i'm very worried my mother and father are both wearing themselves out my father hasn't slept in 24 hrs cos he normally takes a long nap in the afternoon he didn't today and my mother oso look very tired but some things they must do themselves cos we dunno how to do my father now fixing rubber layering over the toilet floor so that my ahma wun slip den my mother couldn't even eat her dinner properly cos she was interrupted by something sigh i really dun blame my ahma but it's just that, my parents are quite old oso and i can't communicate with her -.-" very sad la ..sigh, you dunno how i feel i just did a lot of stuff i normally dun do for eg, volunteer to wash the dishes and a lot of other stuff i noe it can't be helped cos my ahma these few days quite weak but i'm worried that it'll be my parents' turn to fall sick when she recovers her strength.. i just realized that i'm only having 840 posts quite pathetic leh anyway, am back to blog abt the current state of my home i take back what i said abt my ah ma not needing too much care =.= cos apparently someone has to stay up overnight to make sure she doesn't fall when she goes to the toilet and that someone is me >.< it's ok lah, it's just having chalet for a while lo somemore i can use the chance to mug over night =D anyone interested?? ohh..and you know, i'm not that noble neither is my family i guess everyone will feel a twitch when they tell you you have to stay up all night to take care of your old ah ma but i guess the difference lies in whether or not you'll do it apparently there are still nice people in my family line my dunno which aunt is coming over at morning like, she lives quite far away but she's coming over anyway you know, i'd rather die in a car crash (but not drown, never drown, it's a sucky way to die) than to live to such an old age she's very healthy, but she's getting weak la as mg said it's old age illness something like that and i think she herself feel very bu hao yi shi cos like, she like dun like to talk to us especially me my, what did i do to incur her wrath? but it's ok lah, since i dunno what to say if she speaks to me anyway language barriers sigh actually i'm feeling rather excited to mug overnight! got so angry just now my ah ma went to the hospital again but again, she's totally alright except for some small matters lah my god, she's ninety and i think she's more healthy than my mother la anyway, it's cos she had a cough, and when she cuoghs..you know the ..man, i forgot my bio..the the .. okay lah, i forgot my bio, the bladder lose control and she made a mess on the floor cos the the thing there loosened as we get older right? to people taking bio, pls tell me what the"thing" is, i forgot the name but other than that, there's nth whatsoever wrong with her and i got so angry cos my auntie said to send to her liao yang yuan, those very expensive kind i personally think it might be a good thing, but for a different reason, you'll see. i was thinking maybe ah ma will be happier there cos there are other old people there den at least around the same age similar interest ma and i was thinking she would be happier there with no need to look at my aunt and her ugly face cos why? my aunt told my ..either fifth or small uncle (my father ranked fourth among her children) that "you have to save our lives (my aunt's and my aunt's husband)" cos she said she might die before my grandma dies cos she has no energy to take care of her anymore true, she's seventy also but the thing is my grandma doesn't really need any looking after she goes to the toilet, eat, sleep, entertain herself on her own technically, all you have to do is to keep an eye open in case she falls or something that's all and she said that stupid thing and most infuriating of all is the fact that my cousin (which i really like alot) also agreed cos he has jie pi, and can't stand the fact that ah ma is messing the place up .. what the fuck and everyone kept giving excuses lah one uncle said, son getting married, need a room for them another said something else so my mom told me ah ma might stay at our house den i'll have to clear my room out for her and they might hire a maid cos my ahma can't sleep at night, and we can't possibly not sleep at night to look after her (cos we all need to work, and study -.-") so i said ok, cos i really think it's the right thing to do den in the afternoon, while i was still pissed over the fact that they are pushing her around she really came -.-" so sudden lah, i was sitting in the living room complaining to my mother that i'm in a bad mood cos i can't go out ( cos no one is asking me out) and my mood is worse cso my bro kept asking my elder bro when he's coming back for the car.. den she really came den we like hurry up clear the room lo i gtg..next time wasn't feeling very happy yesterday cos of all the usual things.. sometimes i feel that we are such hypocrites and that when we say we miss a friend, we wanna get together, we dun really fulfil that "promise" when the time comes or is it that when we said those statements, we really meant them, but when the time comes some other things take priority and i can't really blame this trend actually, we're all like this but it doesn't mean i like it and i oso realize, how many secrets we can keep from each other you nver know when someone opposite you has had a very bad day at home or something sad has happened, and you just kept harping on the uk france trip you noe, i think we're all entering the stage whereby we have to totally make use of our mouths to talk crap as best as possible if not we'll totally lose the ability to communicate the transition period i supposed pris has one, mg has one, this is mine and it's still on-going even though it's been four months already on a happier note, went for waitressing yesterday each waitress was assigned to look after two tables la one of mine was by malays cos the wedding was a malay guy to a chinese girl so brave right, cross race wedding but it seems like everyone was very jovial at the wedding =D and this table, they drinkk beer like plain water la i spent 80% of the time trying to find new jugs of beer anddd they oso love chilli my god but they were really nice people ohh and when i was clearing the plates, i swept one whole plate of prawn shells onto this uncle like omggg i was so afraid he would complain or something but he jokingly said "you taking revenge is it" cos they made me get so much beer you see den another uncle said "he always likes to wear chilli padi on the head now oso like prawn shells la" erm, weird joke, but they laughed it off and kept telling me it's ok hahah and the uncle said he would use my tag number 167 to buy 4D -.-" really nice lo! you noe it's doing these kinda things that makes me feel there's a life outta vj and books and all my friends are turning into closet muggers or just plain muggers i dunno, i never liked it, i dun like it now, i wun like it in the future either and i can feel all the the "pragmatism" in the air like, doing this gives me that that's why i do it why must we have that kinda mentality it so sucks and it's so wrong whatever i think pris will scold me if she's here (aww, so miss u) cos i'm putting my chopsticks in the stick up way..the one she calls for gods to eat way but i got no choice lah the bowl is too big ..feel like a dog lapping up food infront of the comp ..having instant noodles, cos had a craving for it, den i dumped all the char siew, all the meat my mom cooked inside.. no time to blog abt other stuff though these few days have been rather hectic i gotta finish my damn PI! ahhh giddy* you noe how it is when you are researching on a topic that is particularly obscure in the history like, you kept trying to dig up the biography, the origins of that particular phenomenon and the google web just kept giving u the same pages or references and those references are mostly like very shallow reports of what happened, the inundations that kinda thing den suddenly, havng hit upon the correct search words, the google thing started giving you massive headaches with every site like..every single sites has at least 2000 words?? although yah i'm pretty happy that i finally found some relevant detailed information but if you've been reading words for the past 1 hr plus, i think it shouldnt' come as a surprise that i'm having a massive headache but hey, at least it's more interesting than the news oh man i've really researched for like two hrs i have a vague big picture on my topic..but i have no idea how the hell i'm supposed to publicize her works and impacts and all god bless me (-.-") wow, so long neva hear hua tian cuo..bro playing it in his room come to think of it..when is lee hom gonna release another album..i wait damn long le la erm yah..i realize i've actually quite finished my to-do stuff for the weekend i did math.. i tried econs..at least i finally got the previous part of the lecture abt consumer surplus producer surplus and all that shit i finally finally got it ok yahh yesterday we went to eat kaya balls before it disappears from the face of amk and pris was so damn excited, though me and mg can't tell why and okkkay, i'm olddd i admit lah can, i really dunno how to converse with kids so to pris, it's not that i dun like ur sis or whatever, it's just the fact that she's under 12 and thus labelled as a (freaking) kid yep it's the kid thing i just can't deal with kids -.-" dun ask me why, i guess cos my brothers were always "Adults" ever since i was born ermmm have to research on the damn PI have to hand up the draft on wednesday lah ..den no laptop to use cos my cousin borrowed it ..guess i shall go do some literature analysis........... i can't help but think that my geography is really quite....... i have this whole pile of readings that i was supposed to have read and if you flip it you'll see some highlightings and all but for some reason i can't seem to rmb what i was supposed to have read ..what shit la |
