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Normal's Overated.
sokmuiam a cynical person who hates orientation and the ridiculous rah rah atmosphere. shares a love-hate relationship with ku-ster and the piano. god should populate the earth instaneously with adults, thus skipping the absurd toddlers and squealingn babies fan of korean shows and the rude ah jun mas, secretly think bae yong jun is not bad looking. listening to classical music on the train is a waste of my battery. Dislikes babbling women who are not efficient.adores House. Thinks that friends are sometimes a burden Adores Xinyun immensely. Life is too short to bother socializing with people I dun like. You either choose the pill and live your life barely feeling your toes, or ignore the pill and accept pain as part of the life. Secretly clings. Sometimes. |
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random quirks
my student made a guess regarding my age and said i was fifteenmr ku insulted me by saying i look like david carrdine whoever dares to say there is a certain resemblance better be prepared for my wrath. plugged tagboard
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   fond memories ehmixed feelings i sorta SORTA get the urge to study very hard now but ..eh, isn't it a bit too late. but on the other hand, i sincerely feel that i've studied quite..erm, quite, thoroughly???? not thoroughly, but erm, most of it yeah. so "on the other hand" i dun feel like putting myself thru such a torture. and my strong urge to work very hard didn't come from any real inspirations. "real" cos my inspiration came from............................ another j.d. robb book that me and enid gave in and bought. yeah, anyway the character in the book is a cop and she's pushing herself really hard to catch this killer who took 23 women. so yeah, sorta get a bit influenced. strange huh so, whilst i can still keep this mood, shall attempt to study till night today but like i said. isn't it a bit too late =( mg ah, rmb you posted up at your blog some site got sell vintage cameras de? and you wanted to get one? what's the site huh? today is thursday~ sings~ tomorrow is friday~ sings~ den it'll be saturday! sunday! and GP DAY! woots!! .....yeah, i'm going hysterical i always enter this kind of stage like, it's too late to do anything even though it's evident i NEED to do something but it's TOO LATE so i'm just like waiting for DEATH ROLL YEAHAHAHAHA ...see, hysterical i HATE priscilla and mg how come they're so productive everyone i spoke to at vj is like yiling : i came online because econs started to not make sense (this is at 4pm) xinyun: walao dun everyday come fan me abt great ex lah, i dun want read le lah enid: sobs* lijie: i haven't started on econs! it doesn't make sense, somebody tell me why i just FALL ASLEEP WHEN I DO ECONS OMG THIS IS BAD I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO THE LIBRARY SHOULDN'T HAVE STAYED AT HOME I'M GONNA FAIL I CAN SENSE IT I'M GONNA DO BADLY I CAN SENSE IT!!! EVERYTIME I BECOME SO LETHARGIC AND SIAN AND COULDN'T CARE I DO BADLY=((( BURSTS INTO TEARS* can somebody please please please tell me you feel the same way as i do I DUN WANNA STUDY ANYMORE!~ it's not like i studied a lot, but i can't seem to feel any motivation/adoration/affection for my economics and math and lit and geography notes. it's like, KNS LAH i KNOW i'll get upset if i score badly i KNOW i'll do badly for certain subjects SO WHY AM I TAKING THE A LEVELS?! anyway i usually wake up around 7am or 8am these days very early eh you know why? cos around that time i'll start to have weird dreams seriously i dreamt abt a walking creepy doll yesterday. probably cos of the CSI finale......it was abt this girl who made dolls..miniature dolls..quite good lah point is I'M BEING HAUNTED I'M BEING STRESSED OUT I'M BEING HARASSED (not really lah i'm just whiny) to the extent that me and enid even msged miss chiam and went "miss chiam we are very worried for our GP!! cries*" yeahhh we're that stressed. when students start to whine to teachers and pretend that they can do something to make us better, it's really sad i told enid yesterday "i very sad" and her expression sorta froze cos she thought i was saying that the day was very unproductive i reassured her quickly and said "noo, it's just a ...GENERAL STATE OF AFFAIRS" yeah, sad KNS LAH and somemore she egged me into getting a j.d.robb book for 17 bucks i usually dun do this kinda thing loh cos it's ex loh but ...... IT'S SOOOOOOOOO GOOD. as compared to the notes big huge sigh* i'm fainting fainting fainting. this is horrible i'm sick the flu bug. bugggg i'm okay lah just that i feel kinda tired but i ate this wonder pill which my mother had gotten at amk polyclinic it's seriously wonderpill okay! (okay touchwood later i start sniffing again) so yeah! i'm totally okay except for the look-at-geog-wanna-puke feeling but of course that's got nothing to do with the flu....... =/ so no wonder i was being such a bitch these two days (even though i dun deny that i'm also a bitch on normal days)... yesss to quote mg Ananas is like what the kungfu panda elbow close i'm terrified horrified petrified and let's just say that i'm SO NOT READY FOR A levels. i seriously think i'll get like BBCCC or something faints* i'm so delirious now that i better stop blogging before i do something stupid........ i wrote a long entry denouncing my entire family but at the end of it, it just comes down to this The past is our definition. we may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it -Wendell Berry i woke up with such a foul mood that i suspect half of you never even seen me so irritable before. is there anyone i can pay to annoy me and quarrel with me i'm so annoyed and my stupid pillow and my stupid aching neck that i scolded "shit" at nothing in particular for more than five times in a single morning feel like punching something. really really feel like punching something hello! it's me again! the sun has set and i'm of course wrecked with this horrible panicy feeling that once again, A levels are SCREWED. but of course you won't miss my daily report on the absurdity-of-singaporeans SUBJECT NUMBER 1!! Mr Zhong-Qi-Shi-Zhu (if ang moh kias are melissa dun understand it means he can scream louder than YOU can) Me yours truly was walking to the toilet and feeling groggy and bleak(haha) because i've just looked through the JCs papers and aside from AJC's (ridiculous! theirs is so easy! Pris please feed back to some geog teachers to stop giving you guys false hope) physical papers, all other JC papers are like greek to me. Where was i? oh yes, to the toilet, i passed the librarian counter and started hearing this mysteriously loud hollering which sounded muted at the same time It sounded foreign, oh yes, because there's a chinese twang to it. And i saw the librarian determining strolling towards the male toilet and wondered whether she knows of her own gender. Mr-zqsz was standing OUTSIDE the male toilet, seemingly trying to be considerate while hollering away on his hp. The librarian gestured, mr ZQSZ moves into the toilet. When i was washing my hands (i have good toilet hygiene) i could still hear a mysterious loud seemingly echoing off the walls. apparently Mr zqsz is still hollering away! in the toilet! i think he must be under the impression that us wealthy singapore government soundproofs all our toilets to prevent people from overhearing toilet conversations (which is coming up next!) When i stepped out near the librarian counter i saw the same librarian even more resolutely striding towards the male toilet I didn't hear any female hollering, so i assumed the brave woman either strode into the male toilet and shut the guy up, or she must have threatened to lock up the entire male toilet and get one of the other male specie to shut HIM up. interesting eh? SUBJECT NUMBER 2!! miss i-went-near-his-face and miss just-peck-him I went to the toilet near starbucks And i was about to exit the cubicle when two interesting malay girls stepped in the conv goes something like this miss iwnhf " ......(in that high excited tone they are so good at) .. (some stuff abt what wanting to kiss the guy)..." miss jph "what did you do?" miss iwnhf "........i went very near his face loh! But he like..you know..nothing .." (i went very near his face! omg!) miss jph 'aiya you! just peck him and say it's an accident lah!" miss iwnhf "what peck him! cannot lah!" miss jph "nvm lah just peck him lah!" suddenly, one of them who is outside noticed that there was ONE closed cubicle (i was making myself comfortable on the toilet seat enjoying the really ridiculous conversation) and went "err i wait for you outside" the other "huh why?" "nothing lah, i wait for you outside" the other "why lah" "no lah cos the smell very the good loh here" omg, did i miss out on that awkwardly ridiculous period of my life? I went very near his face. omgomgomgomgomg just PECK him. you woodpecker ah? peck him that's all! *Back to my miserable adobe reader and exam papers* i woke up this morning feeling like i've been drinking caffeine throughout the night time is passing too quickly lah =(((( this is horrible like really really horrible. omggg the physical geog papers are like so freaking hard compared to our schools'!!! there's two o level guys studying math, apparently tml is E math paper Os. wow. reminds me of how far we've come nods nods* remembers how easy algebra were in primary sch den there was differentiation in secondary sch. and now.the bloody integration ....... i wanna cry i'm taking a break because it's too depressing when you go through like 7/8 JCs physical paper and come up with 19 pages of DRQ you dunno how to do CRIES josef's tip: Sleep at 10pm, wake at 6am daily. IS HE CRAZY? wake up 6am? ..crazy, like i haven had enough of waking at five am for four years of my life. plain torture. i'm already having trouble trying to wake up at 8am okay A levels, so thrilling eh i woke up this morning feeling like i've been drinking caffeine throughout the night time is passing too quickly lah =((((  i wonder if you can see it, anyway those aren't loan debts scribbled by superman loansharks on the opposite buildingi've discovered a more interesting way to study ..scribbling on my window with whiteboard marker it's really quite fun you shld try it. AND! we can help save paper. furthermore, it's very amusing to see people from the opp block staring at me. ....... A levels IS STARTING TO LOOK VERY SCARY LAH!!! i suspect that i sleepwalk. there is no reason why i wake up every morning feeling like i just shopped the entire orchard road bugis and more. my soles hurt lah seriously weird and i'm risking alot just to watch house. tudou got shut down, so i have to resort to another website that's quite decent and fast. the thing is, everytime you click play, a porn site comes up studying is futile. FUTILE. i feel like giving in to the urge of watching dramas now it's WEDNESDAY i think that the urgency is finally getting to me oh no~~~ i'm dead iamdeadiamdeadiamdead. seriously OMG~~~ A levels is so close! and it's starting to look really scary! omg! i swear exams are the most........horrifying thing ever invented (okay fine, not really, but you noe..) to quote enid "i really don't think i can finish studying everything by As" omgggggggggggggggggggggggggg i am panicking but you see, when i am in this kinda mood i sorta lose all my mood to study OMG~!!! someone save me!~ i'm being harrassed by ang mei gui and her boyfriend song ming han. oh, btw did you notice that song ming han's name is all dynasties of china?? song dynasty, ming dynasty, han dynasty was his mother a huge china fan??? -.- i noticed that very long ago lah, kept wondering how come his name feel a bit..strange. .. but who am i to talk abt strange names right?? (like i told kumboon before, we've suffered 18 years of misery because our mother failed to consult a dictionary before giving us names) i can't believe you were SO unconstructive. at least i tried. i TRIED. you?? you?? (scoffs***) HOUSE IS SO FUNNY!!! omgggg ......it's like what 14 days until A levels. i'm so screwed. so screwed so screwed and smh i've named him sperm guy because i don't wanna doom him to a life of sperm-lessness, that's so evil. (i can't believe i'm openly denoucing someone's sperms on my blog) ...... i miss pris! i miss pris saying smh's face is funny! shall we go out soon? (to study of course) and NAOMI PASSED HER GRADE EIGHT EXAM!! YAY!!!! maybe she ought to treat us to something. and she's so shame less lah, yesterday when i called her she said "hurry up lah, i wanna watch my japanese lao nan ren" ..got one gan gan not enough, still got so many jap nan ren. so shameless ciao~ off to "study" with enid ..... i give up~~~~ apparently when my brain sounds the alert there really is NOTHING i can do to make it fire up again. omg, i'm totally not...reading. ahhhhhhhhh maybe i shld go and run. usually my brain is deceived into thinking that it's re-energezied after a run. i wonder how sperm-guy (yeah that's my nick for him) can stand looking at his laptop for more than five hours straight!!!! omg, this is cancerous to brain AHHHHHHHHHHHH pardon me, since no one udpated my blog, i just have to find respite in my own insane blabbering. i wonder mg is actually studying...... shld i go home? but once you're in the library you actually feel lazy to go home like really AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hmmph i spent nearly half an hour to get a connection in the library. my fault really i forgot to update my hp numeber.. nvm i'm still sorta stoned, plus very pukish because i ate too much toast box anyway the weird guy is still very weird he hasn't moved from his position at all, he was like that when i went for lunch, he was like that when i came back. totally disturbing mg says i shld peep and look at what he's doing but......i dun wanna see even more disturbing images. i hope smh and mg has more luck in studying than i did jiayou~~~~~~ let me send my best wishes two floors above to the fourth floor i wonder why the fourth floor, did mg wanted to peek at noisy little brats?? i'm TOTALLY stoned. detroit sucks. there's a couple next to me.the guy keeps banging against the wall. and since he's a guy and relatively big size, the wall keeps..you noe.. omg, i feel like sleeping I''M BLABBERING!! =( this is good isn't it? as i was sitting on the toilet bowl this morning about 15 minutes ago i suddenly felt this......realization that two more mondays like this will pass and the next one will see me going to school and taking the A levels. and i suddenly felt this sense of urgency that had nothing to do with why i was in the toilet. fascinating. it's probably the remnants of the coffee from last night. oh btw, okto is a cheater bug, the programs they are offering are around the same as central.=( but pan's labyrinth was REALLY good. seriously, you should catch it if they re run it. and who am i kidding, by going to the library the whole day yesterday with my trusty (and bulky) laptop and reading through geog stuff for the entire day, my mind is convinced that i've studied. ..bullshit well okaaay, i can differentiate between IMF and WTO now but i still can't figure out urban geog it's HARD lah, why aren't there any good books around the reference library talking abt burgess model or inner city decline or whatever??? and gentrification! up till now i still have NO idea what's going on! omggggggggg actually, this life isn't bad. it's quite..shiok really wake up every morning, either read the papers or watch an episode of house.. have breakfast or lunch..drink coffee and head off to the library do a "honest's day of hardwork" return and either go and run or watch some more house episodes, go to sleep speaking of running the weather has been shitty these few days it's been raining, alot sigh, forcing me to run at night instead of at evening=( i almost got LOST last night lah, i couldn't see where i was going cos the buildings looked different at night, and clever me wanted to take a shortcut. ................... i' gonna find a cute blog skin, this one is depressing kenneth's right. there's nothing to blog about these days........ not even sacarstic conversations that i crave. you know, i wish i can meet some people that i absolutely hate, that way i can always look them up when i'm bored. so anyway, i've been noticing this guy at the library everyday he always sits at the same couch he always sits for five hours straight, i haven't seen him gone to the toilet yet and he always sits staring intensely at his laptop on his lap ..felt so tempted to peek over and see what he's so obsessed over (silent porn maybe?) and i felt so tempted to tell him that placing your laptop on your lap for five hours straight is actually direct murder of your sperms. ..of course i didn't, civilised polite considerate me. ...i'm not even going to whine about how another week has passed and i dun feel like i did anything at all (whines**) .......and it's just ridiculous that i've just woken up for an hour and i already feel like going to sleep ahhhhh~ i need to quarrel/argue/irritate/annoy/suan someone oh..yucks to naomi: you're probably the only one that watches House here. anyway, house and cuddy kisses and the new term of gross is "huddy" ..... good grief. not abt them getting together, but the term "huddy" can you imagine what if you kiss you-noe-who??? what's the term? "ganmi?" ..oh.gosh. ...i apologize sincerely there are times when people just like to wake up(from an afternoon nap) and and think to themselves that surely, we are intellectual human beings. ..what the HELL am i blabbering on about. ...do i HAVE to study for something? ..don't you ever get the acute desire to wanna be extremely clever without having to work at it? ....yeah okay roll your eyes ..i think, i'm gonna call naomi and pitifully whine abt my current unmotivated state. don't mind me, go on with your mugging, i'm sure they are strangely productive. quote of the day old people are afraid of black people -house, season 5 today, UNFULFILLING. totally. oh no, having finished great ex, the notion of starting the whole goddamn process with malfi is so...daunting. .. esp since it's malfi. BLEAGH maybe i shld do gatsby, yeah i'll do gatsby. IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!!! Wonderful World of Advertisement
my night, is WELL spent let me explain in detail why after brooding for an hour over watch-movies. net and realizing that there were no brainless movies that i could fry my brain with, i was resigned to the fate that i should attempt to finish great expectations (Seeing as how many other books are screaming for my attention) so, i did. i finished it. you read right, I FINISHED IT what enid and xinyun (and yeong maybe?? but since she's my CT i shall give her the benefit of the doubt) could not do in TWO YEARS OF THEIR LIVES, i did in THREE DAYS. there, i've gloated. someone go tell xinyun and enid i openly insulted them on my public blog i sincerely declare that i'm doing all this out of a pure desire to encourage them to finish the books before they obtain an E for that essay (which is extremely unpleasant really) i have something more to declare i cried i teared AGAIN it amazes me that each time magwitch dies, each time the kind Joe appears my tear glands feel compelled to prove that they are functioning correctly. ...sacarsm (and surprise and amazement) aside, i really think great ex is..a good read=) it's really..quite nice? and it made me realize that all the romantization in gatsby just kinda overkill and the result? i can't appreciate it as much as i do great ex =) hey, there aren't a lot of books that made me cry okay, absorbed yes, but not cry # charlotte's web # trumpeter swan (or is it the swan's trumpet?) anyway it's by the same author # nicholas sparks the notebook/a walk to remember # some stupid danielle steele..steel? book that i forced myself to cry over because some people say that's it extremely cry-worthy # GREAT EX! well, at least even if i fail terribly at the essay i can say that i did shed tears over the text nods nods* zhe yang i still have mian zi to face my lit tutors. and the night is not over yet i almost choked on my own laughter when i read a column by nury vittachi that was talking about cabbage bras. yeah. that looks like this  kinda small, but i'm sure your imagination can afford better But you know what? When totally unexpected discoveries are made, it gives us a peek at the scientific processes that one has to go through to make significant progress. -nury vittachi every single time i read his blog i really feel compelled to type in "Cabbage bras" in google and see whether he's for real. but of course, i dun want my comp to register such retarded search entries, so i resisted. good night to you too=)) (I READ FINISH GREAT EX! WOOTS!) i'm soooooooooo bored and okay thank you priscilla and yes i'll help you tell the whole world you weren't acting cute, you just wanted a slim face=) and mgmgmgmgmgmgmgmg (so there) i meant when's your last SCH day, not A levels day, SCH day before a levels you noe??? mgmgmgmgmgmgmgmg (i'm sure smh can't kill me so nvm) mgmgmgmgmgmgmg ..so childish~ i'm BORED. meant to go sch to take mock paper but ahem me and lijie and enid skipped the thing. and instead of going home to sleep like lijie the pig desired. we went to causeway point, ate toast box (which was very nice!) and walked around and looked at ugly clothes sigh, the time now is so weird. neither here nor there, shld i sleep or eat or study? anyway i'm quite certain i'm ovulating, yeah, there's this pain.... stop staring in disbelief that i said i'm ovulating, everyone ovulates, i think maybe the man with the big breasts i saw yesterday oso ovulates .. i'm being retarded cos i'm BORED ..................bbbbb mgmgmgmgmgmgmgmg (maybe i shld make it into a sound...) ps: i dreamt of celebrating gary's birthday again. why so weird. what's with jay chou how come he suddenly has this bursts of creativity, and made this album so good? oh i forgot to tell you mg his stupid album topped the charts even before its release. (okayyy, stop screaming..~) and i'm quite happy that i decided to get the tin edition cos this album is quite special=) and i've decided to get james morrison's album too..just as soon as i collect my twenty bucks from naomi and my twenty bucks from mg=))) okay, actually life is not as rosy as my =)) suggests. esp when you spent four hours studying great ex. i kept telling myself this is the time i should have spent long ago. shit, i feel like armagedon is coming there's this weird helicopter buzzing around my house. ohh man. oh yeah, just now when i was running there was this guy he had bigger breasts than i do. or like three girls combined. isn't that like so not fair? -.- why, cannot look at people while i run huh? it's not my fault that his breasts were so prominent that i couldn't help noticing okayy and mg, i wanna eat island cremery (like that spell? i always thought it looks like cemetery..) erm, yeah, so let's ask pris and naomi and hz?? smh can come too, i wanna see pris laugh at his weird laughing face. =)) when's your last day? right... enid and i realized again that OH NO WE HAVE ONLY 21 DAYS LEFT! THAT'S NOT ALOT OKAY! i rmb last year i saw marc rushing into sch and giving me a grimace and say "nervous ah~" den i went like "huh? for what?" and he said "A LEVELS LAH" ................................................ shudders* oh no. everytime i start studying, i start sluggishly den after a while, i get into the mood and especially globalisation, thinks it's really quite interesting den after like..three hours of compiling stuff that i DO know, i realize there are FAR TOO MANY THAT I don't KNOW. which is really terrifying den after a few minutes, i realize i have too many things that i haven't read for e.g. on a regular saturday like yesterday i'll realize i haven't read straits times i should have read the piles of newsweek which costs a lot but doesn't really help improve my GP Econs or Geog grades.. i SHOULD have read the globalisation reader/urbanreader/pop reader which similarly costs a lot and killed a lot of trees but similarly doesn't really improve my grades.. i SHOULD have read the notes on WTO/IMF/NAFTA properly. and i SHOULD have read the book on globalisation which i bought like four mths ago. i SHOULD have read the book on environment which i bought two weeks ago i SHOULD have read my five lit texts oh nooo~ (i'm still like halfway thru great ex???!) ohno. ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno o.O den i start to panic and my heart starts to pound and den, like now, every word seems to make me wanna faint. shit lah yesterday me and xinyun counted, and realized we have like three weeks? HOW DO YOU READ FINISH AND ANALYZE THESE STUFF IN TIME FOR A LEVELS?! oh no~~~~~ not to mention math math math math mahhhhhthththththth whines*** i tried doing papers yesterday and i couldnt' do them!!!!!! this is very very very worrying ..but still, globalisation is really interesting. really it's so relevant, and the more i study the more i think that they should reform education system because all the subjects are tied up together (the relevant ones i mean) like econs globalisation even science (without globalisation melamine poisoning would be just in china right?! globalize lah globalize lah!) so by studying these subjects separately, it's really quite pointless and wrong. see, i just made an intellectual reasoning, somebody applaud please. oh no~~~~~ oh no~~ i only started on globalisation. i still have urban (and urban stuff to read) and population(and population stuff to read) .. i feel like poking people le lah (but at the same time it's really quite interesting. oh no i'm blabbering.) AHHH~~~ btw, i can't believe pris actually act cute in pictures so..shudders* ridiculous one stupid conversation with my second brother has made me super pissed it's just unreasonable, i think he's beyond cure as my mother has always observed. there are some people on earth that just dun get it. maybe you haven met such people, those who have will understand it's amazing how many different ways people turn out to be since we all started from the same cells. so, it's ridiculous i re read volume one of great ex and realized that there are too many things i dunno then i realize that i have to re read all my texts, re analyze everything so that i dun sound like i studied them for two months instead of two years (familiar, i think najib said the same stuff, dun make your pw look like you just worked at it for one month instead of one year) and i realized that i STILL dunno how to do complex, recurrence, prob, pnc and i realized that i haven't touched econs for VERY long. and i realized that i haven't touched phy geog for very long too, and the knowledge i had of it for prelims (even though i scored extremely well it's because i spotted the right questions) is inadequate for a levels when they might spring weird obscure questions at us and i realized that human geography is as usual, looking pretty grim and i realized that my emotional state of mind isn't very stable because i tend to break down at the mere thought that yes, my tween teen near adult hood is entirely ruined technically truthfully and i realized that the world is in a "terrible state of chassis" to quote from my favourite lit text (my foot) i just realized that life? really ain't that easy i dunno how else to put this except.. i think the US has failed miserably as a world leader. first it was 911, (granted they were victims) den it was the middle east, the iraq cum oil war den now whilst everyone has their eyes on the presidential campaign, wall street falls and wall street being what it is, the rest of the world's economy follows suit. americans alone has defeated and overthrown all the economics that we've studied. free market doesn't work not when you're dealing with foolish people from that particular continent who finances everything using future-money i don't really understand the technical stuff over the global crisis but i get really irritated because lately? america has just been a total fall-out failure instead of the world leader it's supposed to be. and i just pity singapore because we've got to deal with all the shit that the world keeps coughing up sars, and china's inadequate response to it, caused us to suffer melamine AGAIN this economic crisis that's throwing our economy into technical recession you do realize that all the IRs and stuff like upgrading yishun and paya lebar and F1 and youth olympics are totally going down the drain because of this? isn't it quite.....pitiful? that singapore is trying so hard and we're doing relatively well den WHAM someone told the people in wall street that they can't borrow anymore because the banks need to borrow from the cows now and suddenly we're falling into technical recession this SUCKS. if i were one of the finance people in singapore, i'll be one whiny pathetic bastard ... since i'm NOT one of them, i can whine all i want here i'm an ignorant little girl who doesn't know how the economics work, but i like to whine and complain sue me (i bet you dun even have the money to WAHAHA) ...... i just hope this all passes. dun you think singapore deserves better? right, to my extreme disgust no one feels compelled to tag on my tagboard and say "jia you" tsk tsk how dare you guys call yourself my friends tsk tsk tsk i'm joking and yes if you haven't come to the conclusion yourself, let me sum it up for you i'm either bipolar or extremely extremely optimistic .. no prize for guessing huh okay let's just assume that i'm the latter (dun smirk, i'm pretty sure i at least embody some characteristics of the latter) i remembered this quote just now when i was running (and yes i do think when i run as opposed to people who assume that i generally dun think in my whole lifetime) "Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?" -rose kennedy it's featured in one of the criminal minds episode and apparently it's the only quote that apply to my life since i remembered it so well to paraphrase birds sing after a storm xinyun still eats after she fails her exam so why shouldn't i of all people feel free to retain my hate-the-world attitude and revel in whatever sunlight is left? and btw, in case you are still do care (i'm sure you do. ha.ha) the new blogskin didn't came up because i was feeling empty (i was choked full of tears i assure you) it came up because i was searching for a blogskin that has a huge enough frame to accomodate the photos (which are pretty yes?) and it happens to suit what i want and what i feel at that time. speaking of which, i realize how pitiful number of photos i've taken with andersonians ..perhaps victorians like to cam whore more. and the photos kinda made me realize i look like shit in most of them. hmmph. it's okay, looking like shit beats feeling like shit huh? oh yes and the new blogskin and incidental song has encouraged me to download click five yesss to all cynical people who thinks that i'm anti-englishpop i do listen to click five and the script and james morrison as well ..but i have to admit i like james morrison the best (you guys probably think he's shit and boring) so stop assuming that i'm a female frog trapped in mando/canto/korean pop well croaking to sappy osts and unoriginal tracks. and please read TODAY column every friday there's a plus editor phin wong who's very funny xinyun agrees and it's so rare that we share the same taste of humor so phin wong must be really something i think my lifetime goal is to be as cynical funny and sacarstic as him. (of course assuming that my oh-so-dramatic life hasn't provided enough material for me to surpass his humor already) please read him, highly recommended ps: reading back what i've posted, i must say i MUST be pretty optimistic. to vanessa: we're fine, xinyun is kicking and still blushing and looking healthy, even though she almost lost her voice. you wanna know what josef tan did? he dorned a cheer leader's outfit that is bleagh very fitting (i bet you that's why he lost so much weight prior to the item) wears a silly grin resembling a retard's and proceeded to pump his chest in and out while he follows other shameless male teachers around and around in a sort of cheer leading troop. i'm sad to say that victorians were extremely proud of these group of retards=/ i tried to get hold of videos of photos but i think the female photographers were either too busy trying to cover their eyes at the sight of the obscenity or they were too distracted by the weird body shapes that were revealed by the cheerleader's unfortunately tight outfit. what else. oh yes, i can't believe that i'm sounding so alright. i'll probably burst into tears suddenly someday you've been warned the morning sun doesn't gently nudge you from your sleep it pierces through you and forces you to open your eyes and acknowledge its brilliance. more wandering around online like a virtual ghost. i can't fall asleep i can't make myself do anything why dun time pass faster if you dun like hearing me rant get out of here i need to rant i need to curse this is what i want to tell you guys this is what i want to scream at my mother "why me, why of all people me?" "do you even know how bad i feel? every single time i've to pretend that i'm okay, that it's nothing, every single time i can't give an explanation" "every single time i hear people talk about it and i have to try to tell myself it's okay" "every single time i want to be myself but i can't" "even when i cry i have to wait for my whole house to be empty" "i just want to be myself, do what i want, be how i want to be" to my mother "do you know that because of your ignorance because of your stupidity and your stubborness you made me miserable for almost a third of my life" "why is it that the one time i really want you to be there, you chose not to be there, you chose to disbelieve me" "why is it that when i cry, you only get angry and never wonder why i cry" do you know how lonely it is, to face a problem alone, entirely alone because no one can help you with it "it must have bothered you alot for you to choose to come back here alone" i'm not brave, i don't want to be brave, i want someone to be there to help me solve the problem do you know that adulthood sucks, it sucks when you alone have to make a decision i don't want to laugh and smile even though everything is not alright i just want to enjoy my sdd, my post sdd, my post As, my university my entire life the way i want it i want someone to tell me that they know what i feel to know how it feels to keep everything to yourself because your mother is sick isn't well and you don't wan her to get agitated to tell me that all i do is appreciated because i don't feel that way at all "i don't care if you die, if you get agitated" i want to be selfish i've tried everything, tried sleeping, tried watching sappy shows, tried punching and kicking the walls, tried playing my piano i've tried everything what else am i supposed to do just ren? najib: this too will pass yes, this too will pass but nobody ever mentioned how miserable how hard it is when you can't concentrate on anything when you feel that no matter what you do now doesn't matter the one thing i ever really wanted. not even As, not even Os, something that really mattered to me "why me?" to my mother "do you noe because what you do, i'm so fearful, so afraid of anyone finding out." "because of what you did, how you reacted, i feel ashamed, afraid all the time" don't say you understand you dun understand at all because you've never experienced the kind of rejection by your entire family when you need them most i think i hate my parents because they are getting old and sickly without my permission how can they, how could you, when you haven't even fulfilled what you shld do. if the rest of life has to be so hard, then i feel like i've lived enough. why does life has to be so hard what am i supposed to do i thought i would be very upset depressed but it's not like that. i just feel..numb. or maybe i'm just trying not to think about it. i think naomi doesn't know how much it helps that i was out with her and here's the period in time when i truly want to sound self-pitiful and ask "why me" and i can't envision going on this way for another three years. the thought of it just..... i thought i would wake up this morning feeling better, because i always do i didn't and i know i'm treating my mother badly but i can't help it when i see her i just get so.. what the hell am i going to do i can't do anything, i can't study i can't watch shows i can't do anything it's like trying to stay conscious by being unconscious why is my life controlled by others why is it that of all people, when i'm the most miserable and need the most help, my parents cannot give it to me i don't even know what the hell i'm doing now i'm a little bit nervous prior to... nvm ah i reached home. i watched east of eden for 15 minutes cried like shit -.- nvm today got excuse not to do any stuff, since mock gp ended so late and i got so exhausted nice weather to slack away omg..... i can't believe i'm taking A LEVELS in one month so irritating i can't seem to drill into my brain this urgency =( my gosh. east of eden is SO good and i can't help this, pls dun give me the look song seung heun tai shuai le lah.................................................... and it's so unfair can, he has three love interests in the story wheras the other guy like so pathetic mei ren ai -.- hai, it's so touching that now i have no mood left to do work=( interesting. i'm taking a break even though i dun feel very tired. ps: pjc math paper is....not challenging. if you feel like you need to believe you can do math, do PJC paper. i finished both in two hrs. applause please? so yes taking a break and blog hopping junior's blogs. one girl totally screamed fuck several times when she blogged abt pw (grins hugely at the thought that it's over) another, much to my amazement, actually expresses the hope of getting b/c for geography (i believe during promos all i hoped was to pass my geography......esp human geog) and some others expressed the disgust over market structure (which reminds me of the horror we had when we received the 60 pages notes...) omggoodness.. am i allowed to quote? what if they trace it here and decide to bomb my locker or something. let's just say that the way some of them blog...i totally can't believe they're j1. it takes more than literature to decipher what they're saying right~ gonna throw away my banana skin, been noticing little bugger ants around lately...i think it's the horrible weather, they've started breeding again=( sigh, wednesday appointment. why am i blabbering nonsense again. some quotes from misterjam.com that made me smirk #Letting any mechanical object know that you are in a hurry is a mistake #Pimples know your social calendar and hide beneath your skin, ready to burst out at major life events such as prom nights, graduations and weddings #Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? #Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway #If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons  as much as i want this to be an actual real antique piano, it's not =( it's a paper model made by xinyun. personally i think this kinda art and craft stuff is beyond my inborn capabilities, but apparently she said it wasn't very hard....... it's currently standing in one of my glass cupboards along with several other this-kinda-nice-but-useless stuff (okay lah i tot it's also very sweet) la vie en rose, cute xinyun who gave me this for my birthday, la vie en rose is HER favourite song btw. apparently i have emphasised over and over again that "i've always wanted people to give me this kinda music box" (which i really dun rmb) so she got it for me. gonna do a rare thing and remarked: xinyun is soooo sweet given by najib, the most wonderful of CT who's gonna miss our class loads because we've got to be the best class in the universe. btw, the tall shadow is of course him, rest of the four is me, melissa, enid and yiling. najib says that he can tell us all the stuff we wanna know "now that he's not fettered by all this teacher/student stuff" i suppose melissa and cass totally wanna know hostel sex life from him~ it's a postcard, graduation gift of sort, it's actually a super large collage made up of photos contributed by students, shall take photographs on monday phoenix house gift, a watch that actually works and looks cool!anyway xinyun got me a very very beautiful golden gift box and i've decided to use it to store all my memories from JC years. including piano ensemble brochures, all the 100+ photos i'm gonna develop as soon as i've got spare cash=( and the watch and that kinda thing farewell assembly was fun and sad and touching i really thought miss sharon wong's song was VERY moving. i think most people in my class teared, i'm sure huizhen's class was also moved cos if you know her,you'll understand that it's so totally not her to go up and dedicate a song, cos like me, we both really dun like public performances so it must have taken her a lot of courage and she must have really wanted to do it and towards the end she herself almost cried too, was really touching didn't think i would feel very much towards farewell assembly cos past events have left me feeling..just.. nice but for some reason i think jc life really left an impression on me special ct session was nice too oh, apparently i have a new name "elizabeth" cos najib typed it in wrongly in my PQ. he claimed that it was the spelling correction of microsoft word. hmmph. i think most people in our class will really cherish our PQs because it's obvious that he took the effort to really understand each and everyone of us and to write a PQ that's as true as possible (even though i think he really amused himself while writing our PQs ahem) sigh, this is such a sentimental post i think (i think alot huh this post) that i'm really fortunate to have this class for my jc life. oh, and josef tan was ridiculous right? i hope i can get some photos somewhere to show you guys how crazy male teachers/female teachers in vj are. totally mad prerequisite for entrance into vj teaching dept: must be willing to cross dress and perform ridiculous stunts similar to circus tricks note to self: MUST get hold of photos. note to self: you should start studying now. ps: photos of actual humans being will be up as soon as chris repairs the link to his facebook.urgh i watched a dragonfly spin around in circles for about two minutes before it finally found an updraft and flew upwards random i know i think i'm starting to stone cos slept too late last night i think alot of us were quite touched today by josef's video.. saw friends faces all quite moved. i'll miss the geog dept=) hopes that i can get hold of the video to show you guys how much our geog tutors rock kinda stoned now and mosquitoes are still feeding off me like a milkshake i forgot what i wanted to blog about oh yes, once again i've found several relevations while riding on public transport #1 in a not so distant future only the very old, crippled, heavily pregnant or the very young and restless get to seat on mrts #2 our aging population is so serious to the extent that i now see middle age 50+ people debating whether they are young enough to retain their seats and not give it up to bent over 80 year olds. #3 being a child rocks, you either get a seat or you seat on your mom's lap #4 children in school uniform get evil eyes from older children in sch uniform aka me when they pretend that the priority sign is invisible #5 the smrt should consider enlarging seats because we are all getting fatter #6 the smrt should consider color coding seats to allocate them fairly for children, crippled, pregnant, and the various #7 the smrt should consider charging school students even less of a fare because we stand all the way #8 heavy bulky bags should be banned from the train because it jabs into your shoulders and waists and make you feel like you're constantly being poked #9 tall ang mohs should refrain from taking trains, they block my view #10 there should be a written rule that aunties should not dye their hair because den we can't tell how old you are #11 aunties who color their hair shouldn't give seaters the evil eye when we can't tell you're old #12 young children should be locked up at home because their tiny butts take up one seat and deprive our heavy butts from resting #13 toa payoh and novena is officially the station where most old people come on the train #!4 there should be a punishment for those who cost benefit analysed more than five minutes, causing an agonising awkwardness to spread in the vicinity of the aged #15 if you're giving up your seat, dun just stand up and saunter away, TELL the person you're letting him seat to prevent embarassments such as the young person infront of you taking the seat i witnessed a total of FIVE giving up seats incidents in ONE mrt trip today at Yishun, i counted the seats and its occupants 3 seats had elderly above 60 years old 1 seat had a pregnant lady 1 seat had the pregnant lady's daughter 1 seat had a father with his daughter 1 seat had an auntie around 50 years old. there's only 7 seats in all. one young guy around our age who dared to sit down was forced to give up his seat two stations later one auntie around 40 years old gave up her seat twice. conclusion? we need more seats and less old people  so pretty~ tsk, i swear neoprints are the only photographs i look more decent in tsk tsk anyway we all look so bloody happy, totally cannot tell we have A levels in one month (shocks!) so pretty~~~
now this is funny  no one is online except chris and he's apparently not in a mood to talk, probably skipped his daily dose of coffee or something. oh yeah, induced a "wah lao" from him tsk, apparently the guy on the bill is washington. i had no idea~ okaay it's 11am and i dunno since when i've started to love mornings in my room(without my mother's screaming...) it's just..so..nice. show you a picture to show you what i mean
okaay rather plain now that i see it. but it's really very comfortable~ makes me wanna just stare at the window and daydream and yah i really do display the neoprints on my table. actually makes me quite happy when i see it. the dog phone stand is a present from weilun, the drawing is a present from px which she got back from ..vietnam i think oh and i've had the round thingie since primary two from a teacher. eh, i feel quite loved. hmm I'M BORED~ okay lah..technically i came online to goof off a bit on my blog den wanted to look at jess's essay, try to study abit of lit den try to finish pnc and probability today..~~ fat hope eeks. |
